Feeling Alone

The two things we do that stress out a triggered person even more is isolate them by what we say– even if our words are well meaning. Advice, even if it is good advice, essentially says, wow, you should have done this or this to avoid your problem. You should have said this or done that. If only you had known what I know, you would not be in this trouble. Everyone knows better than you, you sure made a mistake no one else makes!

Therefore, not only is the triggered person not thinking clearly in the first place because of their stressed brain, they also now feel isolated in their stress – which is even more stressful. If you have ever broken something when you were young and then had an adult lecture you on being more careful – then you know how ineffective and stressful uninvited advice is.

The second thing people do that stresses a triggered person even more is to offer logical explanations. No one can hear logical explanations when stressed anyway. But what they do hear is that they are alone in their ignorance, because hey, this never happened to anyone else, because everyone else knew the reasonable explanation.

Take Home Point: When we are triggered by an actual or perceived event, we stress out even more if we feel alone in our experience.