What is the one thing that we can do that will have as much impact on someone as his or her genetics? Everyone, from mental health workers to foster care advocates, is talking about it. It’s called Attachment Theory. Basically it says that how secure a person feels in his or her relationships impacts the physical health, mental health, morality, and ability to handle ordinary life of that person.
We need to feel secure in our relationships; we need to feel loved and accepted as we are. Our brains literally work better when we feel cared about and understood. I remember my mom teaching me how to play tennis. She teased me and shamed me the entire time. I definitely did not feel cared about, accepted, or understood. Instead my reaction time got slower, my understanding of the game plummeted, and I came off the court after each lesson with even less ability than when I started. I felt clumsy and uncoordinated. Needless to say, I never learned the game of tennis.
On the other hand, a friend taught me how to ride a horse. She was patient, attentive, caring, and nonjudgmental. I became skilled and confident. Eventually I could ride my horse bareback and without reigns. I saw my capable self in her gaze. Her belief in me bolstered and made my own belief in myself. Her confidence literally became my confidence.
Take Home Point: When we feel loved and accepted by others, we become healthier, live longer, learn more, are more creative, and more capable.
No comments:
Post a Comment