Speaking of having someone pay attention to you as if you were something lovely, I read somewhere, I wish I could remember who said this, that you could always tell a true Guru or spiritual person because he or she looked at you as if you were the only person in the world. I know what that kind of attention feels like. When Byron Katie talked to me during her weeklong workshop, she looked at me with her total attention. That kind of attention contrasts quite dramatically with the partial attention we are used to from most people.
What really surprised me was the falling in love feeling I felt around her. Although it wasn’t a romantic/sexual in-love feeling, it was the high feeling from being appreciated and seen. I suspect that part of falling in love with another person is falling in love with their focused attention on me. Being seen is the best feeling in the world. It doesn’t have to be only during love affairs that we experience being the center of attention. It’s just that lovers are usually the only ones who take the time.
But what if there is no lover? Then in this culture, that predicament often means no one is looking at you with focused, curious, total attention. Especially if you are a guy. I’ve been looking around at the men at some of the events I’ve been going to. Contrast their behavior with the women – the women are goofing around with their friends – the men are either single or with a partner. They are not goofing around with friends. They seem lonely to me. And these are the adventurous men willing to join a yoga or dance class. I know so many men who do not go out because they have no friends to go out with. No wonder these guys look so hard for a partner – often the partner will be the only intimate friend they have. This can’t be right! Human beings don’t do well in isolation. Hmm. Now that I think about it. Many of my single male friends suffer from depression. I used to think that was coincidence.
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