I suppose if I am really going to dwell on the topic of peace, then I should talk a bit about how to have a peaceful holiday with relatives. Most of my current relatives are a joy to visit. The ones who were not a joy are now dead. What made the difference? What did the non-joyful relatives do that was so stressful? It’s a very simple thing – they judged me. Isn’t that what the classic sitcom mother-in-law is doing with the critical and humiliating remarks? She is unsatisfied and expressing her dissatisfaction with her son or daughter and family by comparing them to some perfect ideal.
Let’s face it, it’s no fun to go home and have some well-meaning but shaming parent compare you to your siblings, someone on TV, a movie character, who you were five years ago, your classmate, your cousin, who they were twenty-five years ago, and so on. When I went home, I found out that I was too fat, too skinny, not dating a good enough guy, not working a good enough job, my hair was too long, my clothes too old, my ideas too new, my health about to tank, and my intellect suspect.
But here is the thing – have you ever been able to get the well-meaning relative to stop? Of course not. If you could actually get them to stop comparing and criticizing by simply asking them, well they would not be in the non-joyful category anymore.
Like Byron Katie, www.thework.com, says, they are on automatic – like a force of nature. I have never been able to talk a force of nature out of anything. The darn wave just bowled me right over.
Take Home Point: The only solution is to find inner calm while the wave is tossing us about.
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