The most direct path to peace is through self-connection: Our capacity for peace is not dependant on having our needs met. Even when many needs are unmet, meeting our need for self-connection can be sufficient for inner peace. ~ Miki Kashton, NVC Trainer
Have you ever had the situation where you couldn't figure out why you were upset? Negative thoughts would go round and round in your head, but you could not find any relief? And then at some point, you realize just why and suddenly you feel much better. That would be an example of self-connection. Another way of saying it is self-awareness.
I have been learning about the effect of thoughts and the environment on the mind. Dan Siegel,a clinical professor of psychology and author of some wonderful books on parenting and neurobiology, explains a little about what is going on. When we are upset, certain sections of our brain shut down. Biologically, shutting down parts of the brain streamlined the fight or flight response. When being chased by a tiger, we can use all the streamlining we can get! Unfortunately the brain can't tell the difference between a tiger and the thought of a tiger. In modern life we are threatened by the thought of the tiger much more than the tiger itself. Therefore it's to our advantage to get the part of the brain that shuts down, which happens to be the part that thinks rationally, can take an over-view of the situation, and connect with oneself, back online as quickly as possible. Getting back online requires calmness.
The NVC process asks us to name our feelings and then to think about what those emotions say we are needing. Researchers have found that as we think about our emotions and reasons behind them, we begin to access the prefrontal cortex again. The process of naming our needs, by itself, has a calming effect and brings peace of mind.
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