Byron Katie's 4 Steps end with turning the original thought around, so that one see it quite differently.
The belief that my daughter doesn't understand my side can be turned around to I don't understand my daughter's side. Could that be just as true as the first belief?
Yes. I can see that. I could definitely see how it would look that way from her perspective.
When you talked to her last, did you listen to her talk about her side of things?
Not really. I was so upset. I just cut her off. Wow. I guess I did the exact thing to her that I think she did to me.
In fact she may have the same hurt feelings you have and she may be waiting for you to call.
That's ironic. We are both going through the same thing.
Now, check into how you feel at this moment. Are you as upset with your daughter as you were at the start?
No, I feel a lot better. I feel like I understand where she is coming from and I sympathize. I also understand where I am coming from and I sympathize with myself. I feel calm and actually, compassionate.
That's wonderful. You've just used two wonderful processes for regaining your own emotional balance and perspective. The first process involves empathizing with yourself and the second process involves reframing your perspective. Both together are absolutely amazing for transforming emotional pain.
Tomorrow we can talk about how to approach your daughter.
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